My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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