My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
