Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
