My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
