Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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