I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Randomize
