oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
