Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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