Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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