At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
