i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
