Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
