Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
