DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
