ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
