he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
