the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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