are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
