well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
