i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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