Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Found the puke drawer
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
