he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
