I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
