Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
