im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
