I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
