I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
