People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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