his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
