I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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