It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
