i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
