Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
