U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
