He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
