I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
