Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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