Don't you send me to vm
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
