I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
