Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
