I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
