May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
