so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
