Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
