Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
