Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
