When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
