Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
