Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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