have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
